Season of Seeking Excerpt "Hedged in by God's Grace"

"You have Jesus in your heart so how can you be depressed when His joy lives on the inside of you?” All truth, but none of the statements of that nature penetrated my heart. My heart hurt, my body felt sick, and just getting out of bed was an extreme effort.

In retrospect, I had a stronghold in my mind and believed that if God wanted me well then he would just “poof” make me well. Therefore, I continued to be ill and depressed, all the while believing I was waiting on God to come to me and heal me.

My idea of faith was that God could heal me, and even wanted to heal me but would do so in His own time. In the back of my mind, I believed I was being taught some type of lesson to purge me of sin. I was convinced that this purging would eventually come to an end, and I would be holy and healed.

This cycle of sickness, depression, anxiety, and physical pain continued even through giving birth to two beautiful, healthy daughters. For most of that time, because of my ignorance to the truth in God’s Word, the enemy of my soul was able to pummel me into submitting to his lies. One of those lies was that I was convinced that I was nothing more than a second-class citizen of Heaven who lacked the faith to receive my healing.

When I heard preaching or teaching on healing, the ravenous birds of the evil realm would come and steal the seed that God desired to be sown in my heart. (Luke 8) Deep down, I believed there was hope, but wondered if I would exist this way for the rest of my life. I continued to do all the things I believed were right to gain my healing. “There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.” Proverbs 14:12

I did have one tool of spiritual warfare of which I was not ignorant. I was a worshiper. I poured my heart into worship. I sincerely sought God with my whole heart, mind and strength. In the same manner as when I started college, I began to pursue my relationship with God just like I pursued my career in the music profession.

Worshiping God did cause my spiritual eyes, at times, to have a peek into the heart of the Father. This act of worship was the very key to giving me the strength and hope I needed for this very long season, until I could understand how to receive healing by faith in the finished work of Christ. I am grateful for my spiritual mentors encouraging me to “Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise.” (Psalm 100:4)

I was passionate for God! I cried out to Him day and night and believed someday I would get my healing that I had read about in my Bible. But, the Word of God does not say that we perish for a lack of passion, or a lack of love, or a lack of worship, does it? It says in Hosea 4: 6, “My people are destroyed for a lack of knowledge.” I was lacking knowledge and an understanding of the truth in God’s Word that would set me free.

Excerpt from Chapter 6 "Hedged in by God's Grace"

Near the end of November that year, at 2 o’clock in the morning, I stood by my kitchen sink, weeping once more. I hesitantly decided to ask the Lord if I could start the medication again. After I prayed by my kitchen sink, I didn’t hear Him answer. I purposed to ask Him again, as I glanced toward the cabinet where the medication was stored. This time, I heard him answer, “Yes, but then the medication gets the glory.”

I got angry! Not at God, but at the devil. I recognized this as an attack from Satan. The enemy was pushing my buttons, trying to see if I would give in. He was trying to see if he could cross my boundaries and get me to walk right back into that prison of depression and sickness. You see, this time was different; the tears were not accompanied by any of the other symptoms. I was not sad, not achy with the chronic pain, and not confused. I was tired, but that was from the constant weeping. I had the fear of an anxiety attack looming over me, but never anything that could not be controlled with a simple prayer and a deep cleansing breath. I heard in my mind, “This is a test, only a test, brought to you by your local lying devil.”

Right there in the middle of my kitchen, I did something I had never done before. I commanded the devil to take his hands off my mind and my body. I commanded my brain chemicals to line up with what the Word of God said about me. I had been repeating scripture to myself for months, which said I was not cursed but blessed.

I was convinced I had the mind of Christ, as well as not having a spirit of fear but of love, power and a sound mind. I believed I was a conqueror in Christ Jesus, and I was seated with Christ in Heavenly places. I came to realize I had a foundational belief that Satan did not have the right to rob me of my health or sound mind. (1Corinthians 2; 2Timothy 1:7; Romans 8:37; Galatians 3:13; Ephesians 2:6)

In less than a few minutes, the tears suddenly dammed up. The weeping had ceased. I felt a sense of being empowered with the knowledge that the attack was over and I had caused it to happen by my God-given authority in Jesus’ Name. I felt a rush of peace and joy, as well as a feeling of complete health in my body and mind.

I had discovered, in a somewhat serendipitous moment, that I could speak to my mind and body as well as the enemy, to get some pretty powerful results. I know God’s Spirit led me into this truth. but honestly, I didn’t know I had it in me to command my body back into a position of perfect health and harmony.

My soul was flooded with peace and hope. Even though it was almost December, I felt like spring had come to my heart. I was walking in a new dimension of living. I was convinced I could control of my mind and body because I knew what the Word of God said about me being set free by the power of the sacrifice of Christ.

I still had a lot to learn, but I had the basic pieces to the puzzle at this point in time. I knew the truth that is stated in Isaiah 54:17 “No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, saith the LORD.”

Excerpt from Chapter 3 "Hedged in by God's Grace"

Chapter 3 excerpt:

This cycle of sickness, depression, anxiety, and physical pain continued even though giving birth to two beautiful, healthy daughters. Unfortunately, this devastating cycle persisted until I was in my late thirties. To compound this issue, I found that the worst part was feeling that I was cheating my children out of a mother that could really enjoy them. I did get to a point where I felt forced, for my children’s sake, to seek serious medical attention. The various medications prescribed did help somewhat by reducing the pain, depression and anxiety. However, the medication was never able to give me that total relief I was so desperately desired.

For most of that time, because of my ignorance to the truth in God’s Word, the enemy of my soul was able to pummel me into submitting to his lies. One of those lies was that I was convinced that I was nothing more than a second-class citizen of Heaven who lacked the faith to receive my healing.

When I heard preaching or teaching on healing, the ravenous birds of the evil realm would come and steal the seed that God desired to be sown in my heart. (Luke 8) Deep down, I believed there was hope, but wondered if I would exist this way the rest of my life. I continued to do all the things I believed were right to gain my healing.“There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.” Proverbs 14:12

I did have one tool of warfare of which I was not ignorant. I was a worshiper. I poured my heart into worship. I sincerely sought God with my whole heart, mind and strength. In the same manner as when I started college, I began to pursue my relationship with God just like I pursued my career in the music profession.

Worshiping God did cause my spiritual eyes, at times, to have a peek into the heart of the Father. This act of worship was the very key to giving me the strength and hope I needed for this very long season, until I could understand how to receive healing by faith in the finished work of Christ. I am grateful for my spiritual mentors encouraging me to “Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise.” (Psalm 100:4)

I was passionate for God! I cried out to Him day and night and believed someday I would get my healing that I had read about in my Bible. But, the Word of God does not say that we perish for a lack of passion, or a lack of love, or a lack of worship, does it? It says in Hosea 4: 6, “My people are destroyed for a lack of knowledge.” I was lacking knowledge and the truth in God’s Word that would set me free.

Poured into your lap

I was driving back from getting groceries yesterday. It's 40 minute drive and I love to sing and pray in the Spirit.

I was thinking about how blessed I feel and that even though our income has not changed that much in the past few years, we seem to have more. But not just money. Our family has more peace, more joy, more grace toward one another. We don't seem to strive like we used to when we hit a rough patch. So I asked the Lord, "Why is it that we just seem more blessed?"

He brought the scripture in Luke 6 that says, "Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again."

I was thinking, we have not given that much more in the monetary sense. So, I kept pressing into what the Lord meant by this scripture.

He said, "You receive into your lap. This word bosom is the key to understanding."

I started to think about a lap and really the only time we "have" a lap is when we are resting. I got pretty excited and then asked the Lord if that was what He meant. I felt Him smile because He knew that I understood.

We are blessed more and more as it is poured into our lap because we are resting and focusing on the finished work of salvation that Jesus provided. He did the work; we get to reap the benefits.

Hallelujah!

Blood, sweat and tears~Why does it say our sorrows will be multiplied?

So why does it say in Psalm 16: 4 that their sorrows shall be multiplied?

I mentioned in Galatians 3:13, it states we bring a curse upon ourselves when we try to mix law and grace. In Psalms 16:4 it explains that if we offer our own blood or as the expression goes “our blood, sweat and tears,” (our own works of righteousness) then it is logical to conclude that we are not focusing on the perfect, completed sacrifice of Jesus. Instead, we put an emphasis on our own “good” works to please the Father. Focusing on our own works is what leads to sorrows. God set this spiritual principle in motion and we can choose to disagree and continue to think we need to do something for God’s favor, but the spiritual precept is no respecter of persons.

Isaiah 64:6 explains our righteousness is as filthy rags. When we focus on our works it’s like an insult to God sending His Son. Proverbs 14:12 “There is a way that seems right unto a man but in the end it leads to destruction.” I thought it was a good thing, a right thing, to work to get God’s approval. We need to get a deeper revelation that we can go boldly to the throne of grace. (Hebrews 4:16) Jesus paid it all. We need to focus on the finished work of Christ. If we have a mindset or an old wineskin as Jesus called it, then we will continue to focus on our works or lack of works and we will not have the confidence to go to Father God for what Christ died for. Jesus said “It is finished” but we seem to think we still need to do something.

I know this destructive mentality of believing I had to do something to gain God's favor is most of the reason I was so exhausted for so many years. Paul had some pretty strong language to express the truth he knew to the Galatians Christians. These Believers were twisting the gospel and telling the gentile Christians that they needed to be circumcised (or trust in the Law of Moses) before they could become baptized as believers in Christ. I found myself doing the same thing when I knew I was saved by grace but felt the need to do “good” deeds to gain God’s favor. This performance driven, religion-based way of life only brings death to our spiritual growth.

The Two Boxes

This is a little outside the norm for my style of writing but this so encouraged me tonight so I have to share it with all of you.

I was worshiping with other believers tonight and the focus of the worship shifted from a praise to a time of intimacy and seeking the secret things of God's heart. So I just simply asked the Father if he has a secret to share with me.

He showed me two boxes.

The first was a plain, brown wooden box. It has a lid with a hinge. Nothing special just a box.

The second box was all decked out in jewels, overlaid with gold. It reminded me of something royal that you would only get to see in a museum guarded by security or in the palace of a King or Queen.

The Lord told me to lift up the lid from the second box and release the contents.

I opened the fancy box and it was glorious. There was flashes of lightning and a colorful fireworks display. I sensed that it represented the presence of God and out of it came all the benefits of heaven including healing and all types of restoration. It was a marvelous show. It was everything you would expect from such a marvelous looking vessel.

Then he told me to lift the lid of the plain box. I did and I was pretty surprised that the very same show of wonderful, colorful lights and effect of awe and wonder flowed from the plain, brown unattractive box. Out of this simple, plain box came a representation of God's glory and power.

The Lord showed me that it is our perception of the outward of the believer in Christ that hinders our understanding of what is truly inside. We look at ourselves or sometimes others as plain, simple or uncharismatic. Or we look at our flaws or weaknesses and tell ourselves those flaws disqualify us from having God work in and through us. We make excuses that we aren't good speakers or have fancy words for prayer.

The vessel or container is just that--a container for the divine. When God looks at us he does not see the outside. He looks at the heart of the believer. He sees us as the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus. (Romans 3:22) God knows it is the contents our renewed spirit through Christ that make the difference. But both the plain box and the fancy box had the same power on the inside.

"...this mystery Christ in us the hope of glory!" Col 1: 27

Do I Need Special Faith to be Healed?

I went many, many years hoping God would heal me and deliver me out of my pain and depression. I had this idea in my head that when I prayed and did everything necessary to get His favor then I would be instantly healed. I went on this way hoping and waiting for healing for over a decade.

When a minister came to our church in Spring of 2007 and asked the question: Does it take special faith to get healed? He instantly explained that if you have enough faith to be saved then you have enough faith to be healed. I had to chew on that. I knew that I was saved through grace but what did faith have to do with it? I just asked Jesus to be my Savior. So I had to find out what the word salvation really means.

From the Strong Concordance the meaning of the word SOZO from the Greek:
Saved--sozo
to save, keep safe and sound, to rescue from danger or destruction one (from injury or peril)

to save a suffering one (from perishing), i.e. one suffering from disease, to make well, heal, restore to health

1) to preserve one who is in danger of destruction, to save or rescue

b) to save in the technical biblical sense

1) negatively

a) to deliver from the penalties of the Messianic judgment

b) to save from the evils which obstruct the reception of the Messianic deliverance

Romans 10:9 that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved (sozo).

So asking Jesus to save me means more now. Notice the definition includes healing. Therefore my understanding of what it means to be saved changed. In my mind it used to mean saved from eternal damnation and saved to go to heaven. My understanding of what salvation includes had to expand before I could receive healing.

I marveled for years when I read in the gospels how Jesus acknowledged certain individuals for their faith and Jesus told them that their faith made them well. I hungered and longed to have that type of faith. I wanted to be like the woman with the issue of blood and just know that if I reached out and touched Jesus that I would be made whole. I reached and reached and never seemed to achieve that level of faith.

But do we need special faith? I don't think so now. Faith is faith.

Hebrews 12:1 says that NOW faith is the substance of things hoped for (I was sure hoping )and the evidence of things not yet seen. To me that seemed like "special" faith. But it's the same for salvation. I believed in a moment in time that Jesus paid the price for my sin (I didn't know back then that he paid for my healing ) I had hope that I was saved. I knew in my heart that when I died that I would be saved from hell. I knew also that the Holy Spirit came to dwell on the inside of me although at age eleven I had no idea what that meant. But I had faith with a 100% certainty that I was saved.

So now I'm convinced that this measure of faith is what allows us to receive our healing. I just know or believe that Jesus took all the wrath of all my sin --past, present and future sin-- and he became the curse so I would not have to endure or put up with any of the curse. It seems pretty simple now that I don't have to have a special faith. Faith is faith. I believe that Jesus paid it all so I could have all the benefits of heaven. If He paid it all, I don't have to pay anything. I just believe.

Now if sickness does try to attack, I just tell sickness that Jesus paid the price for that. It's simple. I don't work it up. I don't pray harder or fast or do anything to achieve a special feeling of faith for healing.

About a year ago I awoke and walked out to the kitchen to start my morning routine. And from down deep inside of me I heard this from my spirit. "I just don't expect to get sick..." That was an odd thought from first thing in the morning. But I agreed with myself and said aloud.. "Yeah, I really don't expect to get sick." Wow! It really is that simple. Just like I don't expect to sin (since I know that Jesus took care of that on Calvary) I don't expect to get sick.

Now I did get sick once since then. I burned the inside of my mouth and throat with really hot food. Because of this burn, I must have allowed bacteria into my body via this open wound. I was in a great deal of pain in my lymph nodes and on top of that my mouth and throat were raging with pain. Rather than just telling my body to line up with God's Word, I reached for the telephone and called the doctor. I didn't feel even a little bit guilty since I knew that I would be healed either by God instantly or by antibiotics. I was in serious pain from the burn and the swollen glands.

So four days go by and the antibiotics are NOT helping. I'm up almost around the clock in serious pain from the burn and the glands alternating ibuprofen and Tylenol. I hear in my head that I probably caused myself some nerve damage and that is why the pain is so severe. I'm starting to doubt faith for healing. At 2am after many days of pain from the burn and glands that I am holding and putting heat on I feel something on the inside of my spirit rise up.

"Jesus paid for this! Jesus accomplished everything I need for life and godliness." I just whispered, that I receive by faith in Jesus' Name my complete healing. Instantly I had relief from pain and for the first time in a week I could rest. I didn't need the pain meds in the morning. I was healed!

I told the Lord that it was silly that I didn't just do that from the day I got burned. But the Holy Spirit said the wisdom I gained and the understanding that it is not "special" faith that healed me just plain ol' faith in what Jesus did that healed me.