A Day of Small Beginnings

I'm thinking back to a day that was more than a decade ago. My small children had been sick. I had been sick. I was out of my normal routine of going to church, serving, praying, Bible meditation....etc.... In my mind I was out of touch with the Father. I was certain that I needed to do some major repenting of my sin.

I awoke on a mid-week morning with fear gripping my heart. I had realized that it had been two whole days and I had not had one single thought toward the Lord. I was feeling like a very bad 'Christian'. I sat up in my bed and said to the Lord, "I'm so sorry...ohhhh.... you must be so disappointed. I'm so ashamed.... I heard in my Spirit come to me in Jesus' Name.

I thought, "Oh good that will help!" It was like a light shining the direction I should go.

Now I always started and ended every prayer I ever spoke with "In the Name of Jesus...." I knew this was vital. I knew this was a key to God hearing me. Well, that was my thinking at the time.

So I scrunched up my face and got in a posture of being very sincere and very humble.... "O God, I come to you now in the Name of Jesus..." Then the Holy Spirit very distinctly and very abruptly spoke, "Yes, you do...." It was not harsh but more straight forward and almost with no emotional tone. It startled me and I opened my scrunched up eyes....

I started over... "Oh Heavenly Father I come to you in the Name of Jesus..." Same thing, I hear firmly, "Yes, you do...." Again it was not punitive or rebuking-- just a simple statement. I was a little frustrated to be interrupted again....didn't God understand that I had to do my repenting before I was okay with Him again and I could get going on my busy mommy day?

A third time I tried being very holy and persisting in prayer, "Oh most Holy God, I come to you in the Name of Jesus...." YES YOU DO!"

Then in a matter of moments I get a download from Heaven about the heart of the Father. I didn't need to beg God to listen or try to be holy to get HIs attention. It was a 'Day of Small Beginnings' (Zech. 4:10) on an understanding of God's grace. I was so used to doing stuff to try to get God to bless me or at the very least rebuke the devourer from my life that I didn't really know how to come boldly before the Throne of Grace.

"Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:6

I encourage any of you, to take this small step and know that it's all Jesus and what He accomplished for you and NONE of your good deeds that impress our Heavenly Father. "For it is by grace you have been saved and not works so that none of us can boast." Eph 2

I didn't get off the performance trap that day... but it was the beginning of a journey that has lead to Jesus plus nothing. :)