Night seasons

I will bless the LORD who has given me counsel;
My heart also instructs me in the night seasons.

Some of you know that the Hedged in my God's Grace Bible study was birthed out a very difficult season of my life. The winter of 2007 was a black hole of near despair. I knew this was a physical and emotional barrage from hell. I knew Satan wanted me to believe I was never going to have healing and never going to live a life of victory. I knew he was a liar but honestly there were days I could have given up and believed the lies over what I read in God's Word.

Medication was not working. Rest was not working. Praying and reading the Word was not working. I was basically crippled in my mind and body. Depression is not just about being sad--I knew I had nothing to feel sad about--but it robs your ability to think clearly and robs you of who you really are meant to be as a person. It is like wearing a lead blanket and walking in mud up to your knees all the while weeping for "no reason".

The miracle began by the Holy Spirit instructing me to do a word study. I went to www.crosswalk.com and printed off all the verses with the words "hedge, boundary, safety and wall" and it grew from there. I saw clearly that Psalms 16 was like an outline of how the Lord wants us to see ourselves inside of His safety zone.

This verse in Psalms 16:7 is so vital to bring hope to those reading this who are still struggling with depression.

The word "heart" is just what you would expect--it means your center parts (literally kidney or organ) from which your emotions spring forth. I think we might call this the soul or the mind, will and emotions. So when your heart gives you counsel it is telling you something from a soulish or carnal perspective.

I don't know about you but I'm pretty fickle in my heart. One day I'm whining and complaining and the next everything is dy-no-mite! So my heart is not reliable. The Word of God, however, is very reliable. I do believe that we can train our heart to believe God's Word over our circumstances but realistically we better not rely on our hearts during the difficult seasons. I really think that is what the psalmist is encouraging is for our hearts to tell us what we need not what we feel.

I recently looked more closely at the last word of this verse in the Strong's concordance. Night seasons-- is a word that means "gloom". I looked up the root and I was AMAZED. That root word means "staircase, winding stair, shaft or enclosed space with steps or ladder." How many of us who have "fallen" into depression felt it was like being trapped in a deep, dark, winding stairwell.

I will share a very personal and scary event before I experienced healing manifest in my life.

It was nearly spring after that very long hard winter of fighting depression and trying different meds that really were less than helpful. In the middle of the night I awoke screaming. Before the panic completely gripped me and I was left unable to physically speak, I pleaded for my husband to pray in the spirit for me.

In my mind I was being dragged down a deep, pitch black stairwell. It was a winding stairwell and I didn't understand the significance until I read the meaning of the word "night season". I could hear my husband praying in the spirit and then I heard the Holy Spirit say, "Now you are going to count the steps as you come up." I said, "one" but it was barely audible, "two" and panic was still gripping me, "three" and my speech was only a garble. By the time I got to seven or eight I knew I was going to be okay. This seemed so real and if the Holy Spirit had not instructed me to come up those stairs I'm certain I would have been hospitalized that night.

My emotions tried to dictate to me that night. Fear and torment thought it had won but the counsel of the Holy Spirit made all the difference and I WILL BLESS HIS NAME!