Excerpt Chapt 5: "Hedged in by God's Grace" Establishing My Heart for Healing

Excerpt chapt 5 Establishing My Heart for Healing

The Holy Spirit wanted me to learn to take control of my sloppy boundaries with friends and family issues. I was also getting a glimpse of truth that God wanted me to discontinue allowing Satan to bully me by stealing my peace, joy and health. The Holy Spirit continued to encourage me to believe for a life free from depression and severe anxiety.

Although the depression was better, and I was having less anxiety due to the new medication, I continued with the bouts of an overly sensitive immune system. I had sore throats and swollen glands nearly all the time. My neck and shoulders felt like they were tied in knots and tenderness ravaged my joints. Pain and fatigue were a constant companion.

The pains that attacked my body, can only be explained as non-localized pain that bounced from one part of my body to another. I had a good idea why some people think that pain, coinciding with depression, is just in a person’s head. There was no way to point to an exact place in my body where I felt the pain. Stress headaches and intestinal issues were a daily problem. All of this misery was lumped together as symptoms of depression. I have to tell you that at age 38, I felt very old.

So what happened between my 39th and 40th birthdays to make such a huge difference in my life?

I recognized the years of trying to unrealistically please people and please God had taken its toll, and I wanted to be healthy for the next season of my life. I didn’t know if this meant I would be free from depression, but I knew that God wanted something better for me. I had a renewed hope since the new medication was working relatively well.

This lull in my brain chemical storm, allowed me to study God’s Word in a depth. I had not been able to study God’s Word with that type of fervor since my college years and the experience of the “Baptism of the Holy Spirit”. Confusion was replaced with a fire that burned in my soul.

I felt led by the Holy Spirit to do a study in the Bible on the words “gate, hedge, wall, and boundary”. Hundreds of scriptures were posted to my computer screen after inputting these words into an online Bible database.

After months of studying these scripture, it became evident to me that Psalm 16 was to become the outline for what a person needed to know about God’s safety zone or hedge of protection. I knew there were dozens of good books written by professionals concerning healthy boundaries and I had read most of them published. However, those books written were about healthy boundaries in relationships, but none were about the hedge of grace that God desires for His people.

The issue of knowing our authority in Jesus’ Name and recognizing when Satan has crossed the Christian’s boundaries, seemed to be nonexistent in any of those other very good books. I was seeing a trilateral purpose in Psalms 16 to accomplish the work that was needed in my heart. In this chapter from the Psalms, I saw a perfect example for healthy boundaries with our Heavenly Father, our relationships with people and understanding when Satan tried to cross our boundaries to steal what belonged to us as God’s children.

So for nearly a year, I poured over these scriptures and prayed for wisdom to know how to overcome the unhealthy tendencies in my life. Like a seed of hope that had started to grow, it was then I had some optimism for the first time in many years. I knew that the principles I was discovering were key to me living a victorious life. My heart had become established to receive the manifestation of God’s healing. Hope moved into faith. In Proverbs 13:12 it states, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire comes it is a tree of life.”

In April 2008, with my doctor’s cooperation, I started the process of weaning myself off the depression medication. By the end of June, I no longer needed the medication. I knew I was free. It was scary and exciting at the same time. At age 40, and the first time in my adult life, I was no longer dependent on medication to function and live my life.

I wondered if it was similar to how Peter felt when he stepped out of the boat and walked on water with Jesus. But just like Peter, Jesus would have to teach me more about faith and how to stand on my healing to maintain the good work that He had begun in me.