The Center of His Will Even on "Bad" Days.

Psalm 139: 11-12
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.


I was having a rough day yesterday. I felt full of fear and not at all spiritually mature. Someone suggested that I ask the Father to minister to my heart. Sounded way too simple. This is what He did for me.

I was weepy and feeling like I must be out of His will since I was looking at what seemed like failures. A bad day seems to magnify our weakness and cast light on our doubts and fears rather than on the Good Work that He continues to do in us.

My husband offered to rub my neck since it has been bothering me this past week. My husband was praying in the Spirit for me and in complete gentleness the Holy Spirit asked me why I felt like I was out of His will.... I had no real answer -- a messy week of blunders. Then he brought back to my remembrance a day 16 years ago.

Back then I was struggling with severe daily depression so badly it was hard to get out of bed and get dressed. I had a beautiful toddler and she was the center of my human existence. We went to Walmart for some diapers and some supplies. I was standing in line to purchase what was in my cart and I was playing "peek-a-poo" and have a good time with my little girl. She was smiling and I was smiling. It was a heaven on earth moment that I took for granted.

I made my purchase and left the store. I was putting my precious child in her car seat when He said to me. "A woman decided to keep her baby because she saw how much you loved your little girl."

Talk about a burst of ETERNAL LIFE! I wept for a minute and thanked Him for using me that way.

Last night the Father reminded me of that day 16 years ago. You know what? It gave me that same explosion of Eternity shining into my existence. It made me see that "bad" days and good days are all the same to God. He said to me that I'm right in the center of His will even if I feel like a bug or a bug's spittle.

Yesterday my feelings lied to me and I chose to believe them. But when I asked the Father to show me the truth it was BEAUTY in me that I had no idea about. He showed me that I am right in the center of His will even on those days. He looked ahead and knew that I would whisper a prayer, or smile at someone, or hand them just a few dollars for lunch. Even these things that seems so tiny in the universe, can make a UNIVERSE of difference to someone.

I will never know their name but there is a young man or young woman out there in the world today because I was in the center of His will and purpose even in a season that looked like garbage to me.