Missing a dear friend--what Jeff taught me about healthy boundaries

It was 10 years ago this month that Jeff's mother called to tell me that he passed into eternity. I was so shocked that I must have seemed insensitive to his dear, sweet mother. I just assumed that since so many were praying that she had called to tell me he had received his new heart and was recovering in Norfolk, VA where he was in the hospital. I was shocked that he was actually in the presence of the Father.

I think one of the reasons Jeff and I got along when we were in college was that I was pretty ignorant to the fact that he was even ill. The signs were there but his attitude was so amazing that honestly I didn't think about a heart defect but only that Jeff was one of the strongest persons I knew and when he decided to go after something there was no stopping him. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" was not only one of his favorite scriptures but also his motto in life. He loved learning something new every week and I used to joke around with him that his resume was going to be as thick as the Detroit phone book by age 25.

I would actually be annoyed with him when I said this but I didn't understand that he knew that his days on earth were not like mine and he needed to fulfill what God called him to and he didn't have 80+ years to accomplish this task. So when he heard God say do this or that, he didn't wait for much confirmation but just jumped in and did it. He may have had a bit of a work-a-holic thing going on but his motives were not to get rich (he was always giving stuff and his money away) but to bless others and bless God.

If you wanted to annoy Jeff all you had to do was tell him to slow down and enjoy life a little. I may not have understood it at the time but he was enjoying life -- just not slowing down to do it. I'm a little embarrassed now about the times I attemped to fit Jeff into my ideal friend who would just stop and smell the roses. He didn't have time for roses and made that abundantly clear. So I smelled the roses for him.

He did however have time for worship. That was the only time I ever saw him sit still. He entered into praise and worship with the same passion as he did his work and making all the behind the scences stuff work perfectly. He knew that people would give compliments to the worship team or the performers at on the stage during the public radio and tv presentations but he knew that the reality was that he made them sound better by his skill. No one else knew that. Jeff knew that God appreciated his skill.

So when Jeff entered into worship of the Most High, he did it knowing that only his best was good enough. He said if you're not going to do your best then don't do it at all. This attitude was especially true when he worshipped his Savior. So it's not hard for me to imagine him singing right now, "Worthy, worthy worthy is the Lord God Almighty!" He didn't talk much about being sick so I can't tell you what his views were on healing but I know he didn't use his lack of healing as an excuse not to pursue the heart of God.

Since this blog is about how to pursue healthy boundaries, I will reflect on what I learned from Jeff about being strong and doing what God has called us to do even when the circumstances seem impossible. I think if he could have done it over again he would not have worried at all about the small stuff and would tell us that most everthing is the small stuff. Don't worry if someone doesn't like you. Don't worry if people get annoyed. Don't worry if others don't understand your calling or your gifts and abilities. Don't worry if you have to say no to someone who is demanding all your attention. They will get over it. Do what you know is God's will. Do stop and worship. Do stop and take time to encourage others to follow after God. Do everything with passion or don't do it at all. Do put God first in everything you do.